Today is my birthday and yesterday was my son's birthday. For some time now, I, my son and my wife have wanted to see the Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium. Last year, I was recovering from the near-fatal disaster that was my prostate cancer surgery. The year before I was sitting in a hospital bed waiting for emergency heart valve surgery. I had my mind made up that this year, there would be no hospitals, no surgeries and I was going to have a reasonably good time.
We decided to get our Old Timers Day tickets as early as we could, which was the middle of April, so on April 16 I sat down at my trusty old PC and went through yankees.com on to Ticketmaster and ordered three tickets. By the time Ticketbastard was through adding on service charges, handling charges, facilities charges, we-feel-like-adding-on-another-charge charges, monopolistic charges, robber-baron charges and go-f**k-yourself-if-you-don't-like-it charges, it came to just under three hundred dollars, but what the hell, the three of us would have a nice birthday treat. I was extra careful in placing the order, because we really had our hearts set on the game and my wife was watching over my shoulder. I got an order number and the page said to just bring the number to the box office. If they said it was enough, it was good enough for me, but when today rolled around, I decided to double-check.
When I looked at our account on line, there was nothing there. Of course, I did what any reasonable man would do: swore softly under my breath and called their customer help number. I was assured that there was nothing in the account except the three tickets that I had bought for the game on APRIL 17th! I swore just a little more as I was told that while I could not get tickets for today, I would most likely get a refund. Well, there was always next year, and today we would find some other way to spend some of that money. Except that they called back about ten minutes later to tell me that they were keeping our money and we could go and die horribly if we didn't like it (Okay, they didn't say exactly those words, but that's implied when a greed-headed monopoly takes your money, screws up your order and doesn't give the bucks back.). That was the moment when I discovered that I could still yell loud enough to shake the walls and there was no shortage of people and things connected with Ticketbastard that could go and get f**ked. It is impossible to slam a cordless phone down dramatically, but I did press the "end" button pretty hard.
So much for my intentions for this Summer. If there's a way someone or something can screw it up, it will happen...which, of course, is the essence or Murphy's Law, and the main theme of my life. I still haven't been hospitalized or operated on, but then Summer has several weeks to go.
I have spent my afternoon writing letters to the presidents of the Yankees and Ticketbastard, joining Facebook groups attacking Ticketbastard, posting my sad story all over FB and writing this entry. As far as the Yankee game and the Old Timers, they might just as well have fallen into a black hole. All I know about it and all I want to know about it is I should have been there and a crappy, arrogant corporate monopoly f**ked it up for me.
I will wait to hear what the Yankees and Ticketmaster/Ticketbastard have to say, and I will update you, my loyal legion of fan, when they reply.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Celluloid Bloodsuckers...
Do you ever think about vampire movies? I don't just mean are you a teenager into the "Twilight" movies, but did you ever really think about the great ones and what makes them great? I have some favorites, and I want to share my opinions about them with you.
The first one is also the greatest:
"Nosferatu"! F. W. Murnau's 1921 film is almost as much the stuff of legend as vampires themselves. Despite the vampire bearing the name "Count Orlok", it was obvious lifted more or less directly from Bram Stoker's original novel, "Dracula". Stoker's widow sued and all copies were supposed to be destroyed, but variously cut versions of the movie continued to surface for decades after, and in some of these bootlegs Count Orlok's name was changed to Dracula on the title cards. The photography is stunningly eerie. Max Schreck, as Orlok, is terrifyingly ugly and rodent-like in his makeup. The locations were carefully chosen. Approached in the right frame of mind, it can still scare the socks off of you.
The next great one went right to Stoker, Todd Browning's 1931 "Dracula", which set the tone and the standard for nearly every vampire film that would follow. Nearly everything you "know" about vampires traces back to this movie. When Bela Lugosi was chosen to play Dracula, he was a famous actor in Eastern Europe. He was at the height of his powers then, magnetic and attractive. He, more than any other person or anything in the movie made it a classic. The other actors turn in performances that have aged badly but Lugosi is entrancing, as a good vampire ought to be. Every time you see someone in a dinner suit putting on a bad Romanian accent to portray a vampire, you are seeing the awe-inspiring power of Lugosi's performance. Sadly, Lugosi was ruined by his success. In the usual unimaginative way of Hollywood, he was forever after typecast as a horror movie villain, unable to get the kind of work his talent called for. He would die alone and nearly friendless, drug-addicted, broke, and reduced to doing Grade Z movies for Ed Wood.
Like any good horror villain, "Dracula" had a darker twin. During the filming of the Lugosi version strange doings took place on the set after the day's wrap. Director George Melford and a whole other cast came onto the set in the evening, and filmed a Spanish-language version, with a translated script and similar costumes. The star was Carlos Villarias and his leading lady was Lupita Tovar, who had a career in both English and Spanish films. Shot for shot, it's almost exactly the same movie but with two major differences: Villarias is even more magnetic than Lugosi and the female costumes and performances were very slightly more racy than their counterparts. It's available with subtitles, and it makes an interesting contrast with the Lugosi film.
At this point, some may be looking for Christopher Lee's portrayals from Hammer Films, but while Lee is his usual brilliant self, the movies have little else to distinguish them.
No Lee in it but my next favorite is from Hammer, and it is a semi-forgotten classic of the genre. It's "Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter" (US release title: "Kronos"). Starring Horst Janson, it was meant to be the first of a series, but sadly it was also the last. Kronos is a brave soldier who scours 17th Century Europe for vampires accompanied by the brilliant, hunchbacked Doctor Marcus, both sidekick and mentor. As a good vampire movie should be it is atmospheric, creepy at times and leavened with a bit of humor.The characters of Kronos and Marcus would have made for a fine recurring team, but audiences in 1974 did not agree, and we are left with one minor gem of a movie.
Deserving of an honorable mention at this point is the made-for-TV "Bram Stoker's Dracula." from 1973. It is more Richard Matheson's Dracula than Stoker's, but it is worthy all the same. Stoker describes the Count as a redoubtable old warrior, and Jack Palance brings that side of Dracula to vibrant life.
The suave Louis Jourdan would at first seem an odd choice for Dracula, but he carries the part off with panache. This ITV production from 1977 is the most faithful to the book. It restores Jonathan Harker to his rightful and heroic place. It builds its air of menace slowly, the way Stoker did it. Sadly, Quincy Morris and Arthur Holmwood are merged into a single character, but at least they are not banished to total obscurity as they are in other versions, and the pursuit back to Transylvania is restored to its rightful place as the climax. There is a gem of a scene in the forest where Minna and van Helsing are menaced by Dracula's wives. Best of all, van Helsing is beautifully played by the canny Frank Finlay who finds the right blend of authoritative professor and kindly old doctor the part calls for.
Moving away from Dracula and Europe is 1975's forgotten minor classic, "Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural" (AKA "Lemora, The Lady Dracula" in its TV release). It is a dark Southern Gothic vampire story and I will not say more if you have not seen it.
And now we come to my very most favorite: "The Night Stalker", from 1972. Made for TV, it was directed by veteran TV director John Llewellyn Moxey and written by the incomparable Richard Matheson. It's as far away from the typical run of vampire movies as can be, and was an indirect inspiration for "The X-Files." It's set in a contemporary Las Vegas and its hero is down-at-heel reporter Carl Kolchak, played with bravado by Darren McGavin. The veteran cast hits every note perfectly. It crackles with both wit and suspense and has hardly aged at all. The climactic scene in the vampire's house is tense and spellbinding: I had to see it several times to realize that in fifteen minutes of screen time only a dozen words are spoken. The ending following the climax is still a shocker, even in this day of abundant conspiracy theories.
And there you have it, my personal list of the best vampire movies that have been done so far. If I've left out your favorite, let me know and I promise that in time I will watch it, or watch it again, and see if it's list-worthy.
The first one is also the greatest:
"Nosferatu"! F. W. Murnau's 1921 film is almost as much the stuff of legend as vampires themselves. Despite the vampire bearing the name "Count Orlok", it was obvious lifted more or less directly from Bram Stoker's original novel, "Dracula". Stoker's widow sued and all copies were supposed to be destroyed, but variously cut versions of the movie continued to surface for decades after, and in some of these bootlegs Count Orlok's name was changed to Dracula on the title cards. The photography is stunningly eerie. Max Schreck, as Orlok, is terrifyingly ugly and rodent-like in his makeup. The locations were carefully chosen. Approached in the right frame of mind, it can still scare the socks off of you.
The next great one went right to Stoker, Todd Browning's 1931 "Dracula", which set the tone and the standard for nearly every vampire film that would follow. Nearly everything you "know" about vampires traces back to this movie. When Bela Lugosi was chosen to play Dracula, he was a famous actor in Eastern Europe. He was at the height of his powers then, magnetic and attractive. He, more than any other person or anything in the movie made it a classic. The other actors turn in performances that have aged badly but Lugosi is entrancing, as a good vampire ought to be. Every time you see someone in a dinner suit putting on a bad Romanian accent to portray a vampire, you are seeing the awe-inspiring power of Lugosi's performance. Sadly, Lugosi was ruined by his success. In the usual unimaginative way of Hollywood, he was forever after typecast as a horror movie villain, unable to get the kind of work his talent called for. He would die alone and nearly friendless, drug-addicted, broke, and reduced to doing Grade Z movies for Ed Wood.
Like any good horror villain, "Dracula" had a darker twin. During the filming of the Lugosi version strange doings took place on the set after the day's wrap. Director George Melford and a whole other cast came onto the set in the evening, and filmed a Spanish-language version, with a translated script and similar costumes. The star was Carlos Villarias and his leading lady was Lupita Tovar, who had a career in both English and Spanish films. Shot for shot, it's almost exactly the same movie but with two major differences: Villarias is even more magnetic than Lugosi and the female costumes and performances were very slightly more racy than their counterparts. It's available with subtitles, and it makes an interesting contrast with the Lugosi film.
At this point, some may be looking for Christopher Lee's portrayals from Hammer Films, but while Lee is his usual brilliant self, the movies have little else to distinguish them.
No Lee in it but my next favorite is from Hammer, and it is a semi-forgotten classic of the genre. It's "Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter" (US release title: "Kronos"). Starring Horst Janson, it was meant to be the first of a series, but sadly it was also the last. Kronos is a brave soldier who scours 17th Century Europe for vampires accompanied by the brilliant, hunchbacked Doctor Marcus, both sidekick and mentor. As a good vampire movie should be it is atmospheric, creepy at times and leavened with a bit of humor.The characters of Kronos and Marcus would have made for a fine recurring team, but audiences in 1974 did not agree, and we are left with one minor gem of a movie.
Deserving of an honorable mention at this point is the made-for-TV "Bram Stoker's Dracula." from 1973. It is more Richard Matheson's Dracula than Stoker's, but it is worthy all the same. Stoker describes the Count as a redoubtable old warrior, and Jack Palance brings that side of Dracula to vibrant life.
The suave Louis Jourdan would at first seem an odd choice for Dracula, but he carries the part off with panache. This ITV production from 1977 is the most faithful to the book. It restores Jonathan Harker to his rightful and heroic place. It builds its air of menace slowly, the way Stoker did it. Sadly, Quincy Morris and Arthur Holmwood are merged into a single character, but at least they are not banished to total obscurity as they are in other versions, and the pursuit back to Transylvania is restored to its rightful place as the climax. There is a gem of a scene in the forest where Minna and van Helsing are menaced by Dracula's wives. Best of all, van Helsing is beautifully played by the canny Frank Finlay who finds the right blend of authoritative professor and kindly old doctor the part calls for.
Moving away from Dracula and Europe is 1975's forgotten minor classic, "Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural" (AKA "Lemora, The Lady Dracula" in its TV release). It is a dark Southern Gothic vampire story and I will not say more if you have not seen it.
And now we come to my very most favorite: "The Night Stalker", from 1972. Made for TV, it was directed by veteran TV director John Llewellyn Moxey and written by the incomparable Richard Matheson. It's as far away from the typical run of vampire movies as can be, and was an indirect inspiration for "The X-Files." It's set in a contemporary Las Vegas and its hero is down-at-heel reporter Carl Kolchak, played with bravado by Darren McGavin. The veteran cast hits every note perfectly. It crackles with both wit and suspense and has hardly aged at all. The climactic scene in the vampire's house is tense and spellbinding: I had to see it several times to realize that in fifteen minutes of screen time only a dozen words are spoken. The ending following the climax is still a shocker, even in this day of abundant conspiracy theories.
And there you have it, my personal list of the best vampire movies that have been done so far. If I've left out your favorite, let me know and I promise that in time I will watch it, or watch it again, and see if it's list-worthy.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
How Murphy's Law Rules My Life, Part 8,237 (approximately)...
I have always been under the sway of the good Captain's eponymous law, and today was no different. I have been going to the doctor for effects of my prostate cancer surgery a year ago (I will tell THAT story another day). I had an appointment one week ago, and had to follow it up today. Naturally, I made the appointment last week for 1:30 this afternoon. Even though I usually have to wait some, I came ten minutes early, settled down with my book ("The Origin of Species", brilliant, and more to say on that later), and waited. And waited. And waited. Someone came out to announce that one of the doctors was dealing with an emergency, he would be delayed, but thank you for waiting. It wasn't my doc, so I didn't pay much attention. About an hour after my appointment time, one of the medical assistants called me in and put me in a room. She checked my chart. "You saw Doctor G. last week." "I've seen him lots of times. He wanted me back this week."
"And you've also seen Doctor R."
"Yes. He operated on me."
She left the room. After some time, she came back. "They made your appointment with Doctor K."
"What?"
By now, my appointment time was a golden memory of an hour and a half ago. I was standing there waiting for the appointments secretary, holding the card that clearly said I had an appointment with Doctor G.
In the end, I saw Doctor G. but did not get out until about 4:30. For a visit that took no longer than thirty minutes. Everything came out right, but not without a fuss.
Story of my life. One sure way to tell if you're on the wrong line in Shop Rite: I'm on it.
Different topic:
I promised to say more about "The Origin of Species."
I started reading it intermittently a few weeks back. It's slow going. The English is not only from another century, it's quite elegant and formal. But it's worth it. The people who think our ancestors rode on dinosaurs 6,000 years ago and that fossils were fakes made by God to test our faith will never read it. It's tough sledding. It's also very rewarding if you stick with it. Once you get a hold on his reasoning everything just follows smoothly. Writing before Mendel, before DNA, before anything approaching genetics, he's not afraid to say he doesn't know how characteristics are inherited, although he comes very close to figuring it out. How unlike the creationists, who are never stumped because they can always figure out how and even why God did it, even though the Bible is curiously silent on the details. He rounds up and deals with all the objections, the same tired and disproven ones creationists keep trotting out a century and a half later.
I was always broadly familiar with the theory of evolution, but now I can see for myself how brilliantly and thoroughly Darwin worked it out. Read it for yourself. If you haven't you're in for a treat.
"And you've also seen Doctor R."
"Yes. He operated on me."
She left the room. After some time, she came back. "They made your appointment with Doctor K."
"What?"
By now, my appointment time was a golden memory of an hour and a half ago. I was standing there waiting for the appointments secretary, holding the card that clearly said I had an appointment with Doctor G.
In the end, I saw Doctor G. but did not get out until about 4:30. For a visit that took no longer than thirty minutes. Everything came out right, but not without a fuss.
Story of my life. One sure way to tell if you're on the wrong line in Shop Rite: I'm on it.
Different topic:
I promised to say more about "The Origin of Species."
I started reading it intermittently a few weeks back. It's slow going. The English is not only from another century, it's quite elegant and formal. But it's worth it. The people who think our ancestors rode on dinosaurs 6,000 years ago and that fossils were fakes made by God to test our faith will never read it. It's tough sledding. It's also very rewarding if you stick with it. Once you get a hold on his reasoning everything just follows smoothly. Writing before Mendel, before DNA, before anything approaching genetics, he's not afraid to say he doesn't know how characteristics are inherited, although he comes very close to figuring it out. How unlike the creationists, who are never stumped because they can always figure out how and even why God did it, even though the Bible is curiously silent on the details. He rounds up and deals with all the objections, the same tired and disproven ones creationists keep trotting out a century and a half later.
I was always broadly familiar with the theory of evolution, but now I can see for myself how brilliantly and thoroughly Darwin worked it out. Read it for yourself. If you haven't you're in for a treat.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Hello and Welcome.
This is my first post to "Captain Murphy's Godson." Welcome to my new readers.
I will use this space to post my thoughts and opinions (I've got lots of those) and hope to stir up some good discussions.
I intend to range over everything from politics to movies to everyday life. I expect to piss a few people off along the way.
For a first post, it's appropriate that I talk about the little-known history behind Murphy's Law.
Starting in the late 1940s, an Air Force doctor by the name of John Paul Stapp began experiments with rocket sleds to design safety equipment. In addition to pioneering the use of instrumented dummies, Doctor Stapp would ride the rocket sled himself, taking more G-forces voluntarily than any human before or since. The Air Force sent an engineering officer, Captain Edward Murphy, from Wright-Patterson AFB to help out. Captain Murphy brought some strain gauges that had been assembled by his team. Murphy and Stapp set them up on the rocket sled and ran a day's worth of tests. To their surprise, they got no readings at all. When Murphy took the gauges apart he saw they had been wired up exactly backwards. He said... well, no one knows exactly what he said, but it was something like, "That guy/those guys. If there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, he/they'll always pick the wrong one." Stapp reported it at a press conference and after floating around the engineering and science world, it eventually settled down as the Murphy's Law we all know and love. Murphy was deeply unhappy over the whole thing - a military officer takes the public blame for those under his command, a major point of military ethics. For the rest of his life he would bitterly deny having said what was attributed to him, a perfect example of how if something can go the wrong way, it will. He went on to complete a distinguished career in the aerospace industry. John Paul Stapp went on to further glory with the Air Force and pushed hard for the first automobile seatbelt law.
So that's how Murphy's Law got its start.
It's been a perfect metaphor for my life, and I intend to discuss this in future posts.
I will use this space to post my thoughts and opinions (I've got lots of those) and hope to stir up some good discussions.
I intend to range over everything from politics to movies to everyday life. I expect to piss a few people off along the way.
For a first post, it's appropriate that I talk about the little-known history behind Murphy's Law.
Starting in the late 1940s, an Air Force doctor by the name of John Paul Stapp began experiments with rocket sleds to design safety equipment. In addition to pioneering the use of instrumented dummies, Doctor Stapp would ride the rocket sled himself, taking more G-forces voluntarily than any human before or since. The Air Force sent an engineering officer, Captain Edward Murphy, from Wright-Patterson AFB to help out. Captain Murphy brought some strain gauges that had been assembled by his team. Murphy and Stapp set them up on the rocket sled and ran a day's worth of tests. To their surprise, they got no readings at all. When Murphy took the gauges apart he saw they had been wired up exactly backwards. He said... well, no one knows exactly what he said, but it was something like, "That guy/those guys. If there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, he/they'll always pick the wrong one." Stapp reported it at a press conference and after floating around the engineering and science world, it eventually settled down as the Murphy's Law we all know and love. Murphy was deeply unhappy over the whole thing - a military officer takes the public blame for those under his command, a major point of military ethics. For the rest of his life he would bitterly deny having said what was attributed to him, a perfect example of how if something can go the wrong way, it will. He went on to complete a distinguished career in the aerospace industry. John Paul Stapp went on to further glory with the Air Force and pushed hard for the first automobile seatbelt law.
So that's how Murphy's Law got its start.
It's been a perfect metaphor for my life, and I intend to discuss this in future posts.
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